Cutting toxic people out of your life is one of the best gifts you can ever give yourself. It’s also one of the hardest things you will ever do, they are often people we care deeply for. I’ve encountered more than my fair share of toxic people, at times I’ve felt absolutely surrounded by them, so much so that I began to become one myself, toxicity really can be contagious. I want you to know it’s worth it, you will free yourself from so much pain and heartache, I’m here to guide you through how to cut toxic people out of your life with dignity, class and self-respect.
You all know the people I’m talking about… the ones who make you question your worth, lower your standards and leave you feeling drained, worthless and guilty. It could be a friend, a work colleague, your partner or even a member of your own family, no matter who it is don’t be afraid to cut them out of your life if they bring you down.
Today’s society seems to breed self-centredness and toxicity, it often feels impossible to avoid toxic personalities. They tend to be great liars and manipulators, slowly reeling you in over time, blending into your life with charm and charisma before revealing their true colours, by which time you’re already hooked and pining for the person you thought you knew.
Holding on to toxic people is hugely detrimental to your mental well-being and quality of life, not only do they suck all the energy out of you but they actually hold you back from achieving your dream life!
Throughout my own life, I’ve battled toxic family members, abusive relationships and poisonous friends, my struggles with self-esteem, history of emotional trauma, and fear of abandonment were like a magnet to them. These people almost seem to have a radar for vulnerability and trauma, they see it as a weakness and use it to control you and bend you to their will.
While these encounters left scars, I wouldn’t change them, they put me on the path to where I needed to be and made me the strong, resilient, badass woman I am today. They also put me in a position to help other people struggling with similar issues, and that’s why I’m here now, to pass on what I’ve learnt about cutting toxic people out of your life and the incredible relief it will bring to your soul.
Learning how to cut toxic people out of your life is not an easy path, I won’t sugar coat that (we’ll leave that to Willy Wonka) but it’s one of the most rewarding choices you can make for your mental health and quality of life. Even if you cannot physically cut someone off, doesn’t mean you cannot emotionally distance yourself.
Defining Toxicity:
Toxicity can take on various forms, and it can mean different things to different people, often your gut will tell you (learn to trust that, it’s quite often right!) when someone is toxic but it’s crucial to understand its various manifestations. Here are some common examples of toxic behaviour:
Trying to Control You:
Toxic individuals are masters of manipulation, often using guilt, fear, or other tactics to control your actions and decisions. They’ll make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to displease them.
All Give and No Take:
Toxic people are often takers, always demanding your time, energy, and resources, yet they rarely reciprocate. Their relationships are characterised by a profound imbalance of give and take.
Lying or Manipulating the Truth:
These individuals have an unsettling propensity for deception. They might twist facts, create elaborate falsehoods, or conveniently omit crucial information to serve their agenda.
Emotional Blackmail/Abuse:
Toxic individuals use emotional manipulation, threats, or even abusive behaviour to maintain control. They may make you feel like you’re in a constant state of emotional turmoil.
Lack of Compassion for Others:
Empathy is virtually nonexistent in toxic people. They’re absorbed in their own needs and desires and show little regard for your feelings, experiences, or struggles. It’s very true what Sirius Black said: “If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”
Being Self-Centered:
These individuals often prioritise their own desires above all else, often at the expense of your feelings and well-being. They will rarely ask anything about you and conversations will always revert back to themselves.
Always Surrounded by Drama:
Toxic people thrive on drama and negativity. They seem to be magnets for chaos and strife. Every time you see or speak to them there is always a new dilemma or drama they’re involved in.
Spreading Negativity:
Toxic people love gossip and they readily spread negativity wherever they go. They are always looking for information on those around them and seem to enjoy the misery of others.
The Effects of Toxic People:
The repercussions of exposing yourself to toxic people are huge, they can drag down every aspect of your life and leave you physically and emotionally exhausted. I’ve personally experienced many of these effects as a result of staying in toxic situations for too long:
- Lack of Self-Esteem: Toxic individuals have a way of undermining your self-worth, making you doubt your abilities, appearance, and overall value.
- Depression: The constant negativity and manipulation can lead to feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and isolation.
- Anxiety: Toxic relationships create an atmosphere of anxiety and unease, where you’re constantly on edge, worrying about their reactions and unpredictable behaviour.
- Insecurity: Trusting your judgment becomes a challenge, leading to a pervasive sense of insecurity regarding your decisions and choices.
- Inability to Make Decisions: Your eroded self-esteem makes it difficult to make choices and assert your preferences.
- Feeling Worthless: Toxic individuals can make you feel insignificant and unworthy of love and respect.
- Anger: The ongoing exposure to toxicity can provoke intense anger and frustration, leading to emotional turmoil.
How to Cut Toxic People Out of Your Life:
Drawing from my personal experiences, I’ve learned several strategies for effectively eliminating toxic individuals:
Recognise Your Power:
You possess the ultimate power over your life and the company you keep. I know, crazy right? But you really do! Realise that you have the choice to decide who belongs in your life and who doesn’t. Owning your power and taking back control will leave you feeling unstoppable. Make “I have power over my life and decisions” your mantra and feel the power radiate from you.
Work on Your Self-Confidence:
The biggest tool for battling toxic people is building your own self-confidence. It empowers you to set boundaries and assert your worth. The more belief you have in yourself, the less power toxic individuals will have over you and the less you will be willing to tolerate.
Related: 8 Confidence-Building Activities for Women
Take Time Away:
Stepping back from toxic people is essential. You have no obligation to anyone to spend time in the company of people who bring you down – now say that again! Take time to reflect on how their presence affects your mental and emotional state. Keep a journal and be honest about what they truly bring to your life, make sure to track patterns in their behaviour and your responses. Keep this as you might need to revert back to it the next time you’re unsure that you did the right thing!
Remain Neutral:
Refuse to be drawn into their manipulative behaviours. Don’t feel obligated to check in with them; and if they reach out to you, remember you do not have to reply, this is your life and your well-being, limit social interaction and maintain your distance. If that isn’t an option, for example, if it’s someone you work with, keep all communication as short as it needs to be, use neutral language and only discuss necessary matters to remain professional, if they try to draw you into anything more just explain how busy you are and move on.
Communicate (if possible):
This one can be hugely daunting and it isn’t always advisable, for example, if you’re in an abusive relationship, don’t try to communicate with that person again, just get out, remember your worth and move past this step. If it’s someone you are likely to need to see regularly or you want to try to maintain the relationship, engage in a public conversation with them, and ensure you are safe if they are likely to be reactive. Don’t waste your energy trying to make them understand their behaviour or how it affected you, they likely do not care and won’t change, instead focus on your boundaries and what you will and won’t tolerate moving forward.
Be Strong on Your Boundaries:
If someone consistently crosses your boundaries, it’s time to cut them off. The more you allow people to overstep the boundary, the more they will do it because you are displaying a pattern to them that they can get away with it. Respect yourself and uphold your limits, those that don’t respect them don’t care about you, they care about what they can get from you and they have no place in your life.
Related: How to Set Healthy Boundaries by Positive Psychology
Block Them on Social Media:
Don’t hesitate to block them on all platforms if necessary. Your digital space is your sanctuary, and those disrespecting you don’t belong there. Don’t engage in passive-aggressive posts or get pulled into arguments in the comments, protect your well-being and just cut them off. The quicker you do it, the faster you can start to heal and in time, thrive without them.
Be Your Own Biggest Cheerleader:
Recognise that people will treat you as you allow them to treat you. It’s not a sign of strength to endure mistreatment; true strength comes from knowing your worth and caring for yourself. Remind yourself of how amazing you are and refuse to allow anything less than what you deserve.
Let Go Of Guilt:
It can be easy to start to feel guilty for cutting toxic people out of your life, they have conditioned you to believe you are in the wrong and you are unworthy, don’t believe it. Remind yourself of the things they did and the way they treated you, revert back to that list you made and remember why you did this, be proud of taking such a big step towards your best life and let go of any guilt you may be feeling, after all, they did you wrong, not the other way around.
Move On Calmly:
Walk away with dignity and without creating unnecessary drama. This lesson comes from personal experience and is the one I wish I’d learnt sooner. Emotional pain, trauma, and mental illness may tempt you to engage in unreasonable behaviour, I know it did for me. However, maintaining your composure and moving on gracefully is a far more powerful approach. Do not get dragged into gossip about them, do not speak about them, remove their name from your lips entirely and just move on, if someone brings them up, respectfully explain to them that you do not want to discuss them. Nothing is louder or more classy than silence!
Top Tip:
Whenever you find yourself missing them, refer back to the list of their harmful behaviours and the emotional toll they took on you. Remind yourself of the importance of not allowing such treatment in your life again.
Final Thoughts
Remember that it’s perfectly okay to put your own well-being first and cut toxic people out of your life. It is the strongest and kindest thing you can do for yourself.
Just as you would remove the trash from your home, clearing your life of toxic influences will leave you feeling lighter, happier, and more at peace.
Your life is too valuable to be tainted by those who bring toxicity. By choosing to surround yourself with positivity, love, and respect, you’ll embark on a path to a brighter and more fulfilling future.
I hope you found these tips on how to cut toxic people out of your life useful, let me know how you get on with implementing them and as always, if you need any support, feel free to contact me.
