Tiny Me…

I was born in 1990 to two amazing people who were not good for each other, and it didn’t last long.

My dad left and was absent for some time, I love him dearly and he made up for those years in many ways but needless to say, I felt abandoned.

I lived with my mum, who had been through her own trauma, and was incredibly angry at the world.

I did not have a terrible childhood, I was fed and clothed and my needs were met, but I saw a lot of anger and erratic behaviour.

The world around me was a pretty chaotic one and nobody seemed to be able to express emotions healthily.

Teenage Me…

When I was 13, my mum got ill and our relationship became more and more strained as she became angrier and angrier.

I feel like I was an ok teenager, I certainly had an older brother and sister who got up to far worse. But I was kicked out for the first time at 14 and pushed from pillow to post every time she’d had enough.

At 16 I was living in a hostel and met a 28-year-old woman who took me under her wing, became my best friend and helped me escape my shitty reality. She also introduced me to raving, alcohol and drugs.

I thought I was having fun but really I was just putting myself in dangerous positions and screwing myself up more.

And then I met my first serious boyfriend.

Entering ‘Adulthood’…

My 20s were wild. That first boy turned out to be a physically and emotionally abusive a-hole, but it took me almost 4 years, my entire self-worth and my sanity before I realised it.

The problem with being that broken is you become a magnet to narcissistic manipulators who can smell the weakness in you. Add to that my sheer desperation for love, acceptance and stability and it was a recipe for disaster.

I continued to go around in this vicious cycle, coping with the same old techniques of drinking, partying and impulsivity. Bouncing from one desperate attempt at love after another until I started to become the toxic one myself.

I had no idea who I was or what a healthy relationship looked like and I knew something needed to change.

The Now

Despite the ups and downs of my chaotic life, helping others has always remained my passion. I spent over a decade working in supported living for adults with learning disabilities and loved every second of it.

I took time away from love, knocked all the madness on its head and I’m in a good place. It’s taken a lot of time, therapy and inner work, but I’m healing. I’ve learnt that it’s an ongoing journey and that’s ok. 

I have an amazing relationship with both my parents and I met an incredible man. He is patient, and understanding and gives me everything I ever dreamed of. It’s been hard to adjust to but I finally know that healthy relationships do exist… and I do deserve one. 

WATCHING 👀

Harry Potter (or Crime Documentaries).

READING 📚

Steve Cavanagh (or Harry Potter ofc). 

DRINKING ☕️ 

Tea, Blackcurrant (or a cheeky Strawberry Daiquiri). 

LISTENING TOO 🎶

James Arthur, Eminem, Spice Girls, Nickleback, Lighthouse Family – the list goes on…I love music too much to choose favourites!

CRAVING 

Pizza!! Flamin’ Hot Monster Munch, Terrific Turtles.